Telling Stories of Survival: The Value of Domestic Violence Advocacy in Minnesota

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In 2024, Violence Free Minnesota set out to highlight the essential work of domestic violence advocacy. Collaborating with Writing to Wholeness, we hosted creative writing workshops with Minnesotans closest to the issue: survivors of violence, community partners who work with advocacy programs, and advocates themselves. Eleven themes emerged from the writing of forty workshop participants. These are their stories, in their own words.

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1. Advocates meet survivors where they are, providing hope, empowerment, and resources to make their own decisions.

• “We offer compassion, empathy, greater understanding, a wealth of knowledge, shelter and stability.” -Advocate

  • Survivors' stories help us know what it is like to reach out for help:

    • “It was a hard phone call to make, but I needed help. I was stuck in a dangerous place, and I needed to get out. I had a list of numbers to call. I was in the basement and got the laundry going, towels and blankets wedged underneath the doors, to block the sound of my voice. I made a couple of stomach-churning calls. One advocacy program called me back right away.  I was so grateful that I braved it out and made a connection.” -Survivor 

  • Sometimes survivors write a story in the third person to create distance and look at the experience through a new lens. Here is one that illustrates the importance of advocacy: 

    • “She knew it was an abusive relationship, but she didn't know how to overcome it. One day, she called the police, who connected her to a domestic violence shelter. Arriving at the shelter, an advocate met her with smiles of welcome, and said, ‘Come, you are at the right place and you will be fine.’ She received advocacy to help her apply for her green card, towards housing, and for her mental health. Her advocates helped her recover her dignity.” -Survivor

  • Advocates support survivors in regaining power in their lives:

    • “Survivors have often been denied autonomy and healthy choice. As advocates, we help make those choices appear clearer and more defined, and say, 'These are the options that appear to be available, so what would you like to do and how can I support you?' People come to us with their past carried along, and it feels important to help folks utilize their past to inform their present and future.” -Advocate

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2. Working with an advocacy program helps survivors re/connect with themselves and learn more about their needs, identity, and goals. The approach of advocacy is unique, and crucial to a survivor’s journey. 

• “I learned that I had a right to feel as I did, that I could stop turning myself inside out to be okay for others, that I can continue to grow and be more empowered.”- Survivor

  • Advocates walk alongside survivors in their process of healing and thriving. Listen to examples of the changes survivors experience when they connect with advocacy:

    • “A woman came to me to complete a safety plan. She hadn’t come in on her own; it was required by a caseworker. It was obvious she didn’t want to be there, her demeanor said it all; I completely understood. She was in a relationship for fifteen years and was pregnant with their fourth child. I asked her what ‘safe’ looked like to her. She thought for a while before she responded, ‘I don’t know.’ She told me she really didn’t know what safety in her own home looked like because it simply was not safe. We ended our meeting with tears and a hug and newfound trust. She still calls me monthly to let me know how she’s doing.” -Advocate

    • “I learned that I have a voice and a place to live in this world, just like everybody else, and that I matter too. And it's okay to not be okay, we're human. We all need each other.” -Survivor

    • “My advocate carried me out of hell when I was too weak to stand on my own. She was the first person to believe me, to sit patiently and hear the extremely convoluted story of my trauma and pain. I left a 6-year relationship and had to flee to a safe house with my kids. And she had my car checked for GPS tracking. She replaced my cell phone. She replaced clothes and toys for my kids. Because of her, I never gave up my fight for the beautiful life my children and I deserve. I’m happier now and my life is so profoundly different. I feel like I’m finally starting to know myself.” -Survivor

 

3. Working with advocacy programs offers survivors community-building and validation through connection with others with similar experiences.

• “Abuse stole a part of me I had to fight to get back. And I did it by listening to others’ stories.” -Survivor

  • Connecting with other survivors can help folks move forward in imagining and creating healing after the trauma of abuse. Here are a few examples of what advocacy programs provide:

    • “In the survivors' group at my advocacy program, I began to see who my family really was. The facilitator was loving and caring, but I hated hearing the message sometimes. It was painful. I felt so deeply for all the other women and how they had been treated. Eventually, I came to see how their stories were my stories.” -Survivor 

    • “When I got to the safe house I didn't want to tell anybody that I was pregnant. All the women there became my advocates for this baby, and when I was afraid that I couldn't provide anything for her, they gave me everything. They got a car seat, a bassinet. The whole experience felt like an epiphany. You can't go back when people have dedicated so much to you; you owe it to yourself and your children. But you also owe it to all these people who believe in you to show them that what they did for you meant something.” -Survivor

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4. Many advocates get into this work because they are survivors themselves. 

• “Being an advocate has shown me how much we are all suffering, how much we all look for love, connection, and acceptance. It’s shown me that healing is possible.” -Advocate 

  • Listen to those who are determined to give back:

    • “As a Black woman seeing violence from an early age, I am breaking the generational cycle of women abused in my family. I do this work so that other women and my daughters and sons will not perpetuate the cycles of violence. I will teach, educate, share, and connect with others in the communities less served to support healing and disruption of domestic violence.” -Advocate

    • “A lot of us come to this work in an attempt to understand or address the violence we’ve experienced in our own lives or the people we care about. I think that is particularly true for Black women and women of color– there’s a huge sense of responsibility and duty to our communities.” -Advocate 

    • “The domestic violence movement gave me opportunities to connect with a powerful and nurturing community. It also engaged me in my own healing process. This work required me to turn everything I was learning back on myself and actually work towards healing past traumas. And thank god it did because life marches on, and of course, new traumas—collective (2020) and individual–arose. My learning allowed me to cope with this and exercise resilience.” -Advocate

    • “Being able to voice and be heard made me a softer person. It taught me patience, self-love, and determination. Advocacy inspires me.” -Survivor

    • “I'm passionate about doing something to give back for everything given to me and my kids.” -Survivor

 

5. Working in the gender-based violence movement is life-altering for advocates, as they face intense challenges with grace.

• “Advocacy enables me to be in sacred space with people, to look them in the eyes and say, ‘I believe you,’ to put a name to their hurt, to hold their tears, to watch them rise.”- Advocate

  • Read stories from advocates sharing how the work transforms their own lives:

    • “The work that I do is soul work. It is passion, it is commitment. It is a part of who I am.” -Advocate 

    • “The individuals who have crossed my path, shared their wisdom, taught me empowerment and resilience. The survivors honor me with their stories, trust me with their care, allow me into a deeply personal, deeply painful space in their lives; I have grown stronger because of it.” -Advocate

    • “It has changed me, hollowed me out, brought me to tears, revealed a fierceness I didn’t know I possessed. It has been my home, my circle, my people, my purpose. It has given me the most amazing women in my life, full of tenacity, compassion, kindness.” -Advocate 

 

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6. Culturally-specific approaches to intervention and prevention are a critical and under-resourced component of ending domestic violence.

• “Culturally specific lenses are so important to ending domestic violence, especially the insights into cultural assets and strengths.” -Partner

  • Advocates can offer healing that reflects the community they serve.

    • “Domestic violence is an abuse of power. However, people can also choose to fight back and start healing by embracing the equity, connectedness, and care that is at the center of our respective cultures. Advocacy programs are brilliant at embedding this in their work.” -Partner

  • These stories detail the insights needed by victims and survivors that only someone from their own culture can provide:

    • “We worked with the family of a murder-suicide victim. Their daughter recalls there were half-cooked scrambled eggs on the stove when they discovered her body. When they came to our office, we asked, ‘how can we help?’ Our support encouraged them to fight for custody of their sister/daughter’s body, to take it back from the husband’s family so they could give her a meaningful funeral, even though the cultural practices and clan leaders said it was against the rules. We planned the funeral, and attended it every day–we had shifts.” -Advocate

    • “I had to do something when deaf survivors showed up at my office seeking help. I knew there was a gap and there’s also a lot that needed to be done. It took ten years to build a deaf-specific agency to ensure that those survivors have the services they deserve. When I was experiencing my own violence there were no services available to the deaf, nor for gay men. I’ve ensured that there are people to work with to guide, support, offer tools, to reduce harm and violence in their lives.” -Advocate

    • “The culturally-specific advocacy program is a blessing. After my abuser was arrested, they reached out to me. My advocate told me that I'm the captain of my own ship, and that has stuck with me. She's always professional, yet loving and kind. She came with me to my doctor's appointment, and I wouldn't have gone if she hadn't accompanied me. She explained the court process and helped me and my family through it, and I will forever appreciate that.” -Survivor

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7. Domestic violence work intersects with other social justice issues, such as racial justice and transgender justice. 

• “I advocate for every victim, for every voice, I make sure everyone feels safe.” -Advocate

  • Advocates are experts in navigating and honoring intersectionality.

    • “Working in the domestic violence movement, I met transgender survivors, and I question who I am to say that it is not okay.  I question my religious beliefs, I question my upbringing, I question my surroundings, my family dynamic, my community.” -Advocate 

    • “I found myself working in a community with many stereotypes and opinions of 'right,' 'wrong' and how relationships and gender should be. I was told that certain organizations couldn’t support us in fundraisers or at all, due to us safely sheltering or supporting victims/survivors of any gender as long as they meet our mission. I found myself having to be a strong advocate personally and professionally.” -Advocate

    • “The issue of domestic violence is not isolated, it is connected to all systems and other health areas. It is a collective issue. Advocacy programs’ work is based in a deep understanding of this.”-Partner

  • Advocates are essential in times of collective trauma as well, as we learn in this story from an advocate:

    • “During the height of the pandemic, during a time when everyone was striving to remain healthy, we faced a national/local trauma with the murder of George Floyd. I personally worked with the witnesses’ families, the minor witnesses, and their already trauma-stricken family. I worked for over a year providing counseling, support services, familial counseling with children, mom, dad, siblings, and other impacted family members, and also the nurse. I had to process my own trauma. Acknowledge it. Allow it. Accept it. Then release it. I wept multiple times and allowed myself to grieve George Floyd and my community.” -Advocate

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8. Ending domestic violence is a community responsibility. Advocates are positioned to lead the way.

• “I envision a world where we recognize our interconnectedness. I believe the skills and tools from advocacy can get us there.”- Partner

  • Advocates are an integral part of the community. They are constantly changing stereotypes and witnessing the transformational power of being seen and heard. Witness with them:

    • “What advocacy work has been doing for a very long time is meeting people where they're at and allowing people to make decisions for themselves. It should not take an act of violence or harm for us to give agency and power to someone in this way. Or to rely on a select few groups to be able to do that. It's everyone's responsibility.” -Partner

    • “I try to fight. I have written letters, worked with the media, created change in our organization. I have encouraged values of empowerment and used my voice to scream, ‘DON’T LEAVE US BEHIND! Stop living in scarcity. Ask for what you need and more!’” -Advocate 

    • “Domestic violence is not well understood across our society. The depth of understanding that advocacy programs provide to our communities in services, response, and prevention is so critical.”- Partner

    • “When we stand together, we can be stronger than just being alone. We need to speak out and let our stories be known so that we can show the world that we are stronger together.” -Survivor

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9. Advocates belong in collaborative spaces examining systems’ responses to domestic violence. 

• “We recognize that survivors know what they need and there’s no benefit to forcing them to jump through hoops to get their basic needs met.” -Advocate 

  • Advocates’ on-the-ground expertise improves responses for survivors:

    • “Working within the gender-based violence movement has made me recognize so much more as abusive and coercive. It has pointed out biases, and flaws within our systems and our communities. It has influenced me to educate myself and given me a passion to educate others.” -Advocate

    • “Offering barrier-free financial assistance and engaging in a housing-first model of service has empowered our program and advocates to uplift and create opportunities for survivors at a level that clinical therapy, strict transition housing requirements, and other mandatory activities never could. Being free of the stress of wondering where your next meal is coming from creates so much space in the mind and heart to dream bigger.” -Advocate

    • “Advocacy programs have shared their capacity issues and struggles like ‘We can't help someone get into housing if there isn't housing available.’ That reality has helped our system partners think beyond a resource list at the end of a flier on domestic violence.” -Partner

    • "Our systems partners have said that they've never thought they would be in space with a group like this. We have advocates and systems workers and leaders and survivors, all side by side. There's a value in sharing and co-learning together.” -Partner

    • “In the day-to-day, and especially through Covid, seeing how advocacy programs navigated their work was amazing. There is so much brilliant prevention work being done in Minnesota.” -Partner

 

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10. Cuts to funding for advocacy are detrimental to the entire community. The informed, creative, and necessary work of preventing and intervening in domestic violence must be funded.

• “Advocacy programs do so much for our state. These organizations received less funding in the past few years and that’s a loss for everyone in Minnesota, no matter what issue you care about.” -Partner

  • Read the passion advocates bring to their work, even as the need for funding support and resources grows:

    • “During our Capital Campaign to build a new domestic violence shelter, we attempted to partner with a religious-based radio station. When the person running the station saw my email signature, business card, and our website with the inverted rainbow triangle, he asked if we safely sheltered and supported all genders. When he heard my 'yes,' he refused to provide any support or funding for our work.” -Advocate

    • “We need more funding for this issue. For a recent grant application, 50 organizations applied, and only four could be funded. And yet, most of them were brilliant, necessary ideas.” -Partner

 

11. To continue supporting survivors, advocacy programs need opportunities for reflection, community-building, expression, and appreciation to increase staff’s well-being.

• “We need to have advocacy honored and respected. We need grace, outlets, and resources.” -Advocate

  • This is what the harsh reality of advocacy work sometimes looks like: 

    • “There are a lot of ways I do not trust this world and its people because of what I have seen and experienced. There’s a kind of hardening and blunting I’ve done to try to keep myself safe. There are ways in which this job is really triggering or activating because of that. Working in this field and with these systems can reproduce the same trauma we are attempting to address.” -Advocate

    • “Neglecting self; Ignoring signs of burnout; Disassociating; Covering/hiding; Disappearing; Becoming invisible; Hard work; Less pay; Isolating; No interest in socializing; Not wanting to be a bother to others… If you don’t take time for yourself, your body will sit you down.” -Advocate

  • This is what is possible: 

    • "Walking up to the Circle of Women felt like an enchanted space, full of treasures and the love of family. Sitting in the backyard on this glorious summer day, sharing food, sharing the load, glasses clinking, each bringing a part of hearth and home, hope for a better future for our daughters. A meal to strategize, celebrate, and find a path forward. Where there was no way, way was made. Not by force but by feminine wisdom. At that table are 250 years of experience and thousands of lives touched, their trajectory changed because of a circle of women.” -Advocate

    • “I’m going to work in this field with other women because I've been through a lot. I have overcome a lot, and I have something to give. I have words of love and uplifting to give, and I will never shut my mouth. I'm still here. I'm still standing.” -Survivor 

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Conclusion:

This project revealed the immense power of creative writing for personal healing and community connection. Workshop participants included a mother and daughter writing side by side, advocates from across the state in the same room, and a group of survivors staying in a domestic violence shelter. A wide range of identities were represented, with folks of different ages, cultures, regions, and roles in the movement engaging in the same creative process. One survivor shared “I’m thankful for group sessions such as Writing to Wholeness, where I can understand I’m not alone. So many others are going through violence, and it’s not the end– there is always a way out.”

 

The stories included here represent a small portion of the violence Minnesotans are experiencing and the incredible work being done to end it. In our state alone, advocacy programs provided services to nearly 2,500 survivors on one day, with their hotlines ringing an average of 36 times per hour. These statistics show the scope of advocacy work, but it’s important to recognize the complex, powerful stories beyond the numbers.

 

The message from survivors, advocates, and their partners in the community is clear– domestic violence advocacy is essential to a healthy, safe, and just society. To support their work:

• Donate and get involved with your local advocacy program

• Learn about Violence Free Minnesota’s legislative agenda

• Contact your elected officials to encourage their support
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All illustrations in this report were created by Vicky Eidelsztein, Argentinian visual artist. More of her work here: https://www.holavicksz.com 

Writing to Wholeness can be found at: https://writingtowholeness.com/​